The human mind is a source of great inspiration. And what better to inspire than a personal journey through the stages of depression over a period of almost two years.
“Black To White” is my attempt to transfigure the stages of depression and grief into music. It is an effort to turn something negative into something constructive whilst marking a stage in life that you never completely emerge from as the same person as you were before.
I realised that my music was crystallising into five stages of depression that resembled The Kübler-Ross Model in some ways. These five stages became five songs:
1. Pulsate:At this first stage, a person is in sheer agony. Nothing is clear to this throbbing mind, and the person slips into the deepest and darkest personal hell. “Sinking slowly in the sands of time…”
2. Shedding Skin:Anger breeds inside the person now. You may call it a defence mechanism, but it destroys the person more than anything. Peeling off one’s skin and translating fear into anger is what describes this stage best. “Like a snake watch me bleed…”
3. Throw Caution To The Wind:A false sense of escape overcomes the person now. This false positivity emanates from the desperation of wanting to escape the darkness. This is when the individual attempts to internalise that it’s okay and that everything will be fine. Albeit with temporary success. “Still your mind… surrender…”
4. Relapse & Redemption:The false sense of positivity is soon met with a depression relapse. The dust shoved beneath the carpet becomes too overwhelming and thus no longer can the person hide the depths of this darkness. It is only after true acceptance that redemption is achieved. “The risk of being depressed again…”
5. Metamorphosis:Transformation takes place now. The scars of the previous stages now help the individual reason with circumstances and transform the mind into a higher state of consciousness.
“Black To White” tells a personal story. Each piece of music has been composed while the writer was in the depths of the stage that it relates to. The music is an organic catharsis.